My Year in Review

Every December, after the spending frenzy of Christmas is over, and before the New Year, we are all subjected to innumerable year end lists. Best and Worst dressed, biggest news story, a recap of all the celebrity deaths over the past year, the political and celebrity scandals and divorces that made the news that year. Each of these stories is scaffolded by individual stories of people and how the year has played out for them. Here is the story of my year.

In January, after having lived in Dallas for 15 years, I moved back to Commerce (ironically, where I moved to Dallas from in 1996) so I could take a job as the Assistant Director of the Writing Center at Texas A&M-Commerce. Living in Commerce has been a mixture of good and bad. The good: the commute is very short, the rent is very cheap so I don't have to have a second job to make ends meet. The bad: Commerce itself, the AA meetings here are filled with people who are only there to get their papers signed and who double share. Yet, there is a certain symmetry in moving back to finish a degree at a school I left for all the wrong reasons fifteen years ago. After having lived in Dallas so long, it was difficult to move back to a small town, especially one like Commerce. One would think that a college town would be fun, but Commerce certainly is not like any college town I've ever lived in. The natives seem to do everything they can to keep the town from being a "college town" i.e. a liberal town. As I have said, the gene pool in Commerce is very shallow. But nothing lasts forever, and the end of my time here is in sight. I'm hoping to move back to Dallas in the Fall (or summer if I'm lucky).

I don't really believe in the whole "bucket list" idea, but I did do something in May that I have been wanting to do for years, I drove to California. A friend of mine was moving there and needed someone to drive one of his cars out there with him. So during the break in May, I drove a Mercedes SUV (what an amazing car!) to Palm Springs. I absolutely loved Palm Springs and would like to go back and hang out for a longer time. While I was there I had a sort of break down/break through. I have this huge problem with feeling inadequate, especially when I'm around people who seem to have a lot of self confidence. I used to be more confident; I don't really know what happened. But I decided to go back into therapy after that so that was a good thing.

I turned 45 this year...so if I live to be as old as my Dad was when he died at 83, I'm more than halfway through my life. I have decided that I want to make the last half of my life count for something. I don't want to spend the rest of my time either trying to relive the past or engage in unrealistic dreams about the future. I want to get back some of that confidence I used to have back in the day.

In September, I bought another car (which makes about the 18th car I've had since I was 15) because the lease on my VW is up in 2012. I have always loved old Mercedes Benz, and I found a great deal on a 1984 300D turbo...this is the second one of these I've had...

I've decided to get back into the dating scene...although that's a dicey prospect when I live in Commerce...too many closet cases out here. Part of what I want for the second half of my life is to find people to date...and possibly someone to marry...although, as Bruce Horton says, it's difficult to get a boyfriend after you have 10+ years sober because you're no longer so co-dependent. I totally get that.

I didn't hate Christmas as much this year as in the past. It seemed to come and go quite quickly. I will probably never like it as much as my friend Greg does, or as much as I did even at one time. Christmas is for kids, and it was fun watching my niece and nephews enjoy it so much.

So looking forward to this year, in January I will have been sober 15 years, I plan to move back to Dallas where all my friends are. I'm working on self-publishing a collection of my KERA essays on Amazon. I am cultivating new friendships and trying not to be too dependent on two or three people for my self esteem. And I'm looking forward to completing the coursework for my PhD this summer, take my exams in the fall, and defend my dissertation proposal next spring. I'm so ready to be finished and for the next chapter of my life to begin.

Lone Star Nutrition

So I was at the grocery store last night, buying the vegetables and fruit for my juicing, and in front of me in line was a couple buying prepared fried foods (like a container full of chicken nuggets, a box of chicken, french fries, a bottle of coke. Together they probably weighed 500 lbs. The woman could barely walk her thighs were so big. They paid with a Lone Star card, which for those of you who don't live in Texas, is a food stamps card. I kept thinking how wonderful it would be if the state would give nutrition classes for people who get Lone Star cards to encourage them to eat healthy. For the amount of money they spent on that junk food they could have bought at least two or three days worth of healthy food. Of course, the liberal in me thinks that we shouldn't decide for people what they eat, but the human in me hates to see people killing themselves with the food they eat. Even when I am not eating great, I don't eat like that...anyway, considering the fact that Texas is in a huge financial hole I doubt the nutrition of poor people is on the minds of the state legislators.

Plans for the Holiday

So one of the reasons I have chosen to teach college is because I get a month off at Christmas and a month off in May/June. In reality, because I will probably be working some next week, and the second week of January will be when we're gearing up for the next semester, I actually have about 2 weeks off. Other than catching up on bad TV (actually, that's a lie because I watch bad TV even during school) I have a list of things I am going to do this break...

Learn how to knit. I don't know why I feel the need to knit, mainly it's because I want to have something to do with my hands while I'm doing other things because I'm obsessive compulsive and other than being on my phone all the time. One of my former teachers here in Commerce is going to give me lessons and i'm super excited...

Catch up on my reading. I have already bought three books I'm planning on reading while i'm off. Tinsel by Hank Stuever about the commercialization of Christmas and focused on the town of Frisco where my sister lives (plus Hank Steuver is hot and I am going to cyber stalk him a little bit). Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. I'm not a huge Franzen fan but I heard an interview with him about the book on Fresh Air a couple of months ago and it sounded really good. And Middlemarch because I have a standing tradition of reading that book every year...usually I read it in August but I didn't have time this August.

Upload a collection of my essays to Amazon. I've been working on a group of my commentaries from KERA, writing introductions that provide a bit of context and describe how my views have changed from when I wrote it originally. I love the idea of self-publishing on Amazon...I'm hoping maybe if I get good response from this it will give me the impetus to actually write a book...and of course I'm always hoping I will be "discovered."

Re-Write my CV and teaching philosophy. I'm desperate to get out of Commerce when my time as Assistant Director of the Writing Center is over. I'm hoping to teach at SMU as a lecturer or one of the community colleges in Dallas, somewhere I can work in addition to my work at TAMU-C so I won't have to work at the Pottery Barn again, although I'm not too good to do that again either!!

Clean my house top to bottom and edit my clothes. I need to totally clean, rearrange my house and get rid of some stuff in my house...

My friend Greg said don't forget to breathe...

Khloe is Koming to Town

Dallas is all a flutter with the news that Lamar Odom, better known as the other half of Khloe and Lamar on the E-Network, are coming to town. The Dallas Morning News blogger Rand Duren misquoted some of her Tweets saying she was not thrilled but not about the move, when actually her tweet was about the new Twitter format. Way to excel at journalism DMN. Then some fashion blogger from the same paper, Kyle Kearbey (where do these people get these names?) asks the pressing questions of whether now that Khole with a K is coming to town, will Dallas get a DASH store? I asked the same question on my Facebook page, but as a joke, because I couldn't imagine anything Dallas needs less than another store to sell clothes from a bunch of fat gypsies. All this brouhaha about a family whose only claim to fame is that one of their family members took it from behind on a video tape...oh, and their father hid O.J.'s bloody clothes in that Louis Vuittion suitcase he carried out of the house that day.

These women have no discernible talent, have done nothing for the world except try to make a buck out of being famous for being famous, and, from watching their show, have notoriously bad taste in men (except maybe for Khloe, because Lamar does seem like a nice enough guy and pretty level headed considering what he married into). The whole Kardashian phenom has just been so blown out of proportion, ending in the hopefully shark jumping 72 day sham marriage of Kim to Kris Humphries. One can only hope that the Kim-Kris show is the beginning of the end of this "empire."

I don't hate Khloe Kardashian-Odom; I hate the idea of Khloe Kardashian. While other actors struggle to make ends meet, these reality show "stars" shoot to the top of the A-list and make millions of dollars just for showing up at clubs and by putting their name on a perfume. They perpetuate the myth that with the right sort of marketing, the right clothes, the right friends, one can become rich, and more importantly, famous. Few people begrudge people like George Clooney or Brad Pitt or even Angelina Jolie with her wife stealing, blood vial wearing ways, their fame because they are also (except perhaps for Ms. Jolie) talented. They have a certain degree of talent that they have parlayed into fame and fortune, and more importantly, they use that fame to help others. The sort of breathless wonderment that writers, including the ones mentioned above, focus on these ragtag people only feeds into their inherent narcissism.

One can only hope that Khloe won't spend much time in Dallas and that we won't have to see her and her bootylicious sisters around town. Because all Dallas needs is another group of people who are all hat and no cattle.

the Diana Chronicles

Just finished reading Tina Brown's The Diana Chronicles last night...such a good book. But I kept wondering, just as I did in April when they got married, what Diana really would have thought about Kate Middleton? I would like to think she would have liked it, but after reading how she was manipulative and jealous, I wonder if she would have, at 50 years old, have been jealous of her younger beautiful daughter in law. How would she have felt about her son focusing on another woman other than her...anyway, that's what I think about when I"m not in school

Pecan Horders

So outside the building I work in here in Commerce, there are several pecan trees. Because the school spent thousands of dollars this summer installing a sprinkler system in the lawn outside, these trees have been watered all summer and the pecans that have been falling from them are HUGE! Because I've been toying with this raw food detox diet, and part of that diet includes recipes where you can use pecans, I decided to start picking them up...I eventually got about 7 pounds of pecans!~ I was super excited given how expensive pecans are in the store.

Then the pecan hoarders started showing up outside the building. At first it was this little old man with a plastic grocery stack who was obviously just getting a few pecans for him and his little wife to make pecan pies with. Then the people with long poles to knock the pecans out of the trees and buckets to put them in started showing up! They were stealing my pecans!

All this reminded me of my grandmother. She had this huge pecan tree in her back yard when we were growing up. In the 90's, when she started showing more signs of her Alzheimer's, she called my Mom one day and said that my brother, his wife, and "That Mexican" were on her roof stealing her pecans. It really upset her! We were able to talk her out of calling the police, and my Dad and the man who worked for him had been up there picking up pecans, but no one had been on her roof. It's become a sort of shorthand in our family when we say "They're stealing our pecans!"

Not long after that incident, my parents went to the Lion's club stew. They were going to bring my grandmother a bowl of stew and a piece of pie. As my Mom picked up a piece of pecan pie, my dad said, "Are you sure you want to bring her a piece of pecan pie?" I think she ended up getting buttermilk...we didn't want to start all that up again!!

Rioting for an Accomplice?

In the law, there is such a thing as being an accessory after the fact. Tony Soprano warned Carmela about being an accessory after the fact when she asked questions about how Richie Aprile was killed, "Carmela" Tony said, "After 18 years of marriage don't make you an accessory after the fact" which of course answered Carmela's question. But in real life, the definition of being an accessory is " the accused must generally be proved to have had actual knowledge that a crime was going to be, or had been, committed. Furthermore, there must be proof that the accessory knew that his or her action, or inaction, was helping the criminals commit the crime." Therefore, if you know that a crime has been committed, it is illegal not to report that crime to the authorities, and a person who fails to do so has made themselves an accessory to the original crime. At Penn State, there are so many people who could be accused of this it's revolting.

What I can't understand about this whole scandal is how could grown men and women (including Sandusky's wife and the coaches and players at Penn State) think it was normal for a grown man to have sleepovers with young boys, take them to games and tailgate parties, and spend time alone with them? Is the fact that the man is ostensibly straight and married, and more importantly, a member of the coaching staff at a big university filled with straight men what gave him the cover to molest young boys for years? What did his wife think about him spending time with little boys? What did the parents of the boys think? From reading the grand jury indictment we know that at least one mother reported Sandusky to the charity Second Mile, the charity I might add that Sandusky created so he could have access to young boys. Yet despite this report nothing was done.

While some people may think that the graduate assistant who witnessed the abuse...well, let's just call it what it was, Sandusky was raping a 10 year old boy in the ass in the shower...is a hero for reporting the abuse to Paterno, why didn't he intervene when he saw the boy being raped? Was he so cowed down by who Sandusky was as a friend of Paterno's that he was afraid for his own career if he reported it to the police? I think anyone who stands by and doesn't rescue a young boy from being raped should be prosecuted as an accessory after the fact...despite what he subsequently did.

And Paterno himself, instead of calling the police when the graduate student told him what he saw, phoned the athletic director and the vice-president of the university, who essentially covered it up. My first phone call would have been to the police...not the university police, the state police or the county sheriff. To do any less is criminal. Quite frankly Paterno is only sad that he got caught, that his allegedly illustrious career ends on such a tawdry note. Then 2000 students riot in the streets in support of someone who allowed a man to continue to abuse young boys? These students should immediately expelled from the university.

And what of the Penn State football program? Paterno has always held himself up as this paragon of virtue, it has been traumatic for the students at Penn State to realize he has clay feet just like the rest of us. People other than Paterno had to have known about Sandusky's behavior, yet they did nothing. And you can't tell me the players didn't know as well. I believe the NCAA should institute the death penalty for Penn State for two years and not allow them to play any football. SMU got the death penalty for paying players and covering it up, which, if we believe there are levels of crime that are worse than others, isn't as bad as covering up the anal rape of a 10 year old boy. Penn State needs to be taken down a notch; their students need to get over the idea that there are gods that reside among us. Joe Paterno was no god, illustrious career notwithstanding. Joe Paterno is a flawed man as we have found out this week, the Penn State athletic program is flawed, and Penn State as a whole is flawed. The students should be wearing hair shirts, not rioting..

The Beginning of the End?

Millions of people across the world, including several of my friends, were waiting impatiently yesterday for the introduction of what everyone thought was going to be the IPhone 5. In the normal Apple timeline, a new IPhone was overdue. The iPhone 3 came out in June of 2009, the IPhone 4 came out a year later. So seventeen months after the launch of the IPhone 4, Apple fans felt it was time for the next generation, or the IPhone 5. But what we got yesterday instead of the rumored larger screen and lighter weight of an IPhone 5 was what Apple calls the IPhone 4S, an IPhone 4 case with a few additional cool bells and whistles.

From a business standpoint this makes sense in a way. Using their existing hardware Apple can provide people with IPhone 3's a new phone with more functionality than those of us with IPhone 4's. From a public relations standpoint, the announcement was a dud.

The first "Post Steve Jobs" announcement should have been something groundbreaking, something major. There were already fears that Tim Cook couldn't bring the sort of techie wonky aesthetic and comfort that Jobs could. Cook is a bean counter...a really good bean counter, but whether he has the tech savvy to sell the IPhone 4S to disappointed Apple fans is the big question. After viewing the launch video, my opinion is that he doesn't. Jobs could have sold the IPhone 4S because people would have trusted him that the IPhone 5 would be even more amazing, but that this launch was amazing enough to get us through until then.

So let's look at some of the options the IPhone 4s is touting. Before I start, I will have to say that I haven't seen one or used one, I'm just pulling this info from their website.

While the IPhone 4S has the A5 processor that's used in the Ipad 2, the storage size is the same and the screen size is the same as before. The screen resolution is also the same as the IPhone 4.

The antenna, which has been a problem with the IPhone 4 has been upgraded to one that can automatically switch between two antennas...it sort of seems like instead of actually fixing the problem they put a band aid on the problem...not good.

The camera takes 30% sharper photos. It also includes red eye reduction. I have always thought the IPhone camera was not as good as my old Blackberry camera.

One of the biggest selling points for Apple's IPhone 4S is the new SIRI voice recognition system. It remains to be seen whether Apple will be able to make voice recognition, which is notoriously hard to do effectively, work.

One reason I hate my iPhone as opposed to my blackberry is that the battery sucks. The IPhone 4s, if possible, is worse than my IPhone 4. The IPhone 4S has 200 hours of standby time while the IPhone 4 has 300 hours (I think both of these numbers are grossly inflated) The IPhone 4S has ONE, yes ONE more hour of talk time than the IPhone 4 (8 as opposed to 7). The 4S has 6 hours of 3G browsing as opposed to 4 hours on the 4, and 9 hours of WiFi as opposed to 10 on the IPhone 4. One of the biggest problems with the IPhone seems not to have been remedied.

Apple missed a huge opportunity to show consumers that their loyalty is not misplaced. Is this the beginning of the end of the love affair with Apple products?

Is this how Apple is going to end? With a whimper, not a bang? Let's hope not.

Life in Banjoland

So when I moved out to Commerce almost a year ago, I understood that it was going to be different than living in Dallas. But I didn't realize just how different it was going to be. I hate to be judgemental, but I think in the 17 or so years since I have lived in a small town, the people have changed...and not for the better.

The first thing I notice about living here now is that it seems like more people are poor. They drive cars that are older and more broken down, they live in houses that are more ramshackle, they wear clothes that are tattered. It seems that any tech boom or housing bubble never took here. I think that a small town like this is the last to rise in good economic times and the first to suffer in bad. I often wonder what everyone here does for a living. With the absence of industry or retail or manufacturing, where does everyone work? Certainly not in agriculture because that industry is dead too.

The second thing I notice is that everyone is out of shape. Gluttony is not a sin in Commerce, TX. People don't see the correlation between having to ride around Wal-Mart in a scooter and the fact that they have flour, sugar, sodas, candy and fried foods in their shopping carts.

I won't even go into the idea that most people out here vote Republican, if they vote at all. I can sort of understand those people who are, for Commerce standards, economically advantaged, but to see a sign in front of a ramshackle home for a Republican candidate tells me two things. The Republicans are great at selling their message and that people don't necessarily always vote in their best interests.

Luckily I won't have to live here forever. I wonder if the city/town I land a job in will be similar to Commerce. Not all small towns are so...dingy...backwards...but this one sure is.

Students who Surprise You

On Tuesday I had my English 100 students write at the end of class what they expected to get from the class that semester. I read over them yesterday before class and was really surprised at some of the responses they had. Of course most wrote that they wanted to be better writers, some students said they wanted to be able to revise better, to learn grammar rules...but some of them said they wanted to learn how to "write for college" which shows me they realize there is a different way to write in college than in high school. I was laboring under the impression that they were not always clear on that. One student though, brought up something that I had never thought of. She said she wanted to learn how to analyze and understand writing prompts. I had never thought about that as the first stage in the writing process. I always assumed that students could understand the prompts. So I am going to figure out how to help them do that...it sounds so simple but sometimes I get so focused on how to help students with organization etc that I forget to focus on the simple things!~

Fall 2011

I'm starting my second year of my PhD program at TAMU-Commerce. While I'm still the Assistant Director of the Writing Center, I'm also back in the classroom more teaching 4 lab sections, one 110 Reading/Writing lab with 63 students and 3 English 100 labs which have about 12 students. I am really glad to be back in the classroom...I have the best of both worlds, I am an administrator and a teacher at the same time...which I think will prepare me for when I get a job as I've heard that is what lots of new academics have to do...wear many hats.

My students in my labs are all first semester Freshmen...Some of the questions they ask are really cute, but they are questions I didn't know when I went to college, like, "Can I write in the book" and "do I need to bring the book to class" One of the favorite questions I had in the Fall 2010 was a student who asked if they could leave class to go to the restroom...I asked the same question of my English teacher my first semester at college in 1985 and she humiliated me in front of the class essentially saying she didn't care if I left class and not to ask her stupid questions. Exactly the type of English teacher I never want to become.

Flipped Out

I absolutely refuse to believe anyone can be as awful as Jeff Lewis from Bravo's "Flipping Out" is. On the episode last night he yells at poor Zoila because she was late to work and wasn't paying him the proper amount of respect (mainly she wouldn't stand there and listen to his bullshit about there always being traffic in LA). I mean the woman cleans your house and washes the sheets that you and your boyfriend, who I call Nosegay, make nasty on you can cut her a little slack. Then he starts in on Sarah because she forgot to get some floor samples. I kept thinking, "Why doesn't she just hop in the car and go get the samples if it's that big of a tragedy." Then he has his obligatory lunch with Jenny who seems to have escaped the loony bin this season...hopefully she's doing more acting although if her rapping is any indication of her talents she should probably keep working in design.

Long and short of this whole show, Jeff Lewis is always right, everyone else is always wrong, in addition to compulsive disorder he is probably a narcissistic personality disorder (look it up, I know someone in Dallas and in New York who fit this diagnosis). Plus his "designs" all look the same...it's that whole "gay aesthetic" with modern brown sofas, white walls, chrome tables and modern light fixtures. boring and dull and so over.

Paris Hilton is really BIG in Spain!

Recently I was talking to a friend of a friend who was being considered for the reality show "A-List Dallas." According to the person I was talking to, the producers of the show wanted the potential character to give them ideas of what the "story line" would be for his character. Now I'm not under any illusion that reality TV has any basis in reality, but knowing that plot lines are planned out in advance has made me look at reality television in a whole new light. Now when I watch them I think, "Was this fight between Ramona and Jill planned or did it just happen? And is this part of a larger narrative that will draw Kelly and the Countess in as well?" So in this week's installment of The World According to Paris...working title "I can't believe my career is in the toilet" we see the plot line that was probably storyboarded six months ago play itself out, or if we were in an episode of Friends it would be titled "The One When Paris Thinks She Might Be Pregnant...or Maybe she's just Fat."

So Cy and Paris go to some restaurant I"m guessing in West Hollywood but I don't know LA. Paris orders waffles and eggs and fruit and all sorts of things, while Cy orders two poached eggs. Of course, as the cameras follow them eating we see that Cy isn't exactly the waifish figure, he's sort of heavy in the mid section and later we see that he has a lot of junk in his trunk. When the Waiter brings their food, it looks as though Cy has actually ordered MORE than just two poached eggs...editing anyone? The waiter lingers just a little too long in the camera, making SURE they don't need anything else (and I'm sure angling to be discovered by an agent or director because everyone in LA is either in the business or wanting to be, especially waiters). Then Paris goes into her little girl voice. I'm sorry but I think grown women talking in little girl voices is creepy. Are they trying to say that their men like little girls and when they talk like that their guys are supposed to get hot? Victoria Eva Braun Jackson has made a career...well, HAD a career...talking like a little girl and she continues to do so when she talks about how President Obama is the anti-Christ. Paris uses her little girl voice to get Cy to go on a whirlwind trip to Spain, then feed her a bite of poached eggs which he drops on the table, much to JonBenet's chagrin. Paris has to go to Spain to launch her racing team...I guess Tara Reid was busy.

Paris and her mom Kathy are walking out to the pool where, magically, two treadmills are set up. Now what I want to know is, are those treadmills always out by the pool, or are they out there as a sort of set design? And what's up with Kathy having so much more energy than her daughter who is half her age? Despite having more energy, time has not been kind to the former Studio 54 habitue and Andy Warhol buddy Kathy Hilton. It just goes to show you that no matter how rich you are, you still get old. I will have to give her props for not having a visible face lift. Unlike her sisters Kyle and Kim (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) who look pulled and taut.

Then we see Paris and her cousin (one of Kim, the alcoholic housewife's, daughters) at a grocery store buying healthy food. Yes, we're going to beat this overweight story to death. the Cousin encourages Paris to buy milk, Paris wants to buy cupcakes. The stockers and cashiers at the store can't believe they are seeing the real Paris in person...funnily enough there doesn't seem to be anyone else in the store...did they rent the store out just for that shoot? Does Oxygen have that kind of pull? WOW!

Next we see a private plane taking off, although we never actually see Paris on the private jet. I'm thinking she didn't actually fly on a private jet because we later see her walking through the airport. People who fly private don't go through airports...that's the whole reason for flying private! Plus, a private jet would have to stop at least once, and probably twice to refuel between LA and Spain. It would be cost prohibitive, especially for a racing team in Spain who is probably footing the bill.

In Spain, and advancing the "Maybe I'm pregnant" storyline, Paris talks to some unidentified creepy guy in a suit saying, "They measured me in the Summer in Ibiza and now it's the winter and I've gained weight." First of all, that anyone would admit that go to Ibiza at this point just shows that they have no clue...Ibiza was cool in the 90's, now it's just a collection of Euro-trash and Arabs looking for harem fodder. No one goes there anymore...but back to her argument about why she may or may not fit into the jumpsuit...The only problem with that argument, Paris, is that you live in LA where there is actually no winter and you can exercise outside all the time. Plus, it's sort of your job to stay in shape and not get fat...so your arguments are sort of falling flat...until I remember that this is all part of the story arc. Okay then it all makes sense. And really, I can't blame Paris for not liking the Racing Sponsor Barbie jumpsuit that she has to wear. Really no one should be forced to wear a jumpsuit, even a douche like Paris Hilton. Not only is the jump suit really tight, it's this not quite white color that makes it look like Paris peed all in the suit and now it's off colored...Interestingly when she's talking to creepy guy, she actually sounds a little bit intelligent. We see flashes of intelligence from her, and really you can't make a career out of a name and no talent without having a little bit of smarts, she's just been really good at hiding it for all these years.

Evidently when someone with no talent reaches a certain level of fame, clubs pay them to show up at the club, say a few words, dance a little and pick up a check. Kim Kardashian does this all the time...obviously Paris does this too...from what I understand they can make upwards of 100K just to show up at a club. Ladies and gentlemen, we have lost our soul. So Paris shows up at the club, Cy in tow, stands on the stage, and revises lines from her former reality show with Nicole Richey "Hi Bitches, It's Paris!" That's about $35K per word I'm guessing...

So back in LA, Paris has lunch with her Mom and Mrs. Charlie Sheen at Kathy's house. (side note, after that sale of Candy Spelling's mansion goes through that Rick is facilitating, look for the Hilton's to get a larger house). At this point, Brooke is starting to get on my nerves and from the look on Paris' face she's starting to tire of the Brooke story line as well. So as Mrs. Sheen is talking about her time in Aspen, Paris is looking bored and distracted by her mother's headband, which has to be the most awful thing since the invention of the scrunchy. Obviously when the story line is not about her then she can't be bothered. The more interesting reaction is that of Kathy Hilton, who continues to eat her chicken salad and sandwiches non-stop. Kathy has seen a long list of Paris' BFFs, from Nicole Richey to Britney Spears to Brandon Davis. Mrs. Sheen is simply the latest in the long line of people her daughter has brought around the house, so Kathy really isn't too invested in Mrs. Sheen nor is she keen on listening to her drone on about her trip to Aspen, her struggle with drugs and her missing Charlie, which elicits the only reaction from Kathy during Brooke's whole monologue. Then Kathy, as if on cue, calls Paris out on what's up...Paris says she may be pregnant, Brooke's eyes get really big and Kathy starts to cry. Paris says she's about to get a pregnancy test and Mrs. Sheen, ever the fame whore, says, "I want to get one now my car is just outside!" Paris says she has to wait for Cy, who she has just talked to on the phone and who seems okay with the whole thing (of course he is okay with her getting preggers, he's thinking, "Federline!")

So Paris leaves and Brooke stays to help Kathy clear up...am I the only one who thinks it's strange that she stays after her friend leaves? I'm thinking this Brooke one of those people you have to ask them to go home because they overstay their welcome? After seeing her freak show of a mother last week, I'm guessing she sort of is! Kathy is crying on Brooke's shoulder because she thought Paris would be married before she had a baby...although she may have been the only person in the known world who actually believes in that scenario. Who would have thought Kathy is a traditionalist? I do feel sorry for Kathy though, she had that reality show that tried to teach people from the hood and from rural America how to have class, all the while her daughter was blowing Rick Solomon in a sex tape and getting arrested for drinking and driving. Klassy...

Next we see Paris going to get acupuncture. One of the fascinating parts of this show is seeing all the minions of people who inhabit LA and work with these celebrities. The acupuncturist looks like a slim version of a leather daddy...I'm guessing Paris' friend Jenn who goes with her found him...I'm thinking Jenn must be a lesbian because she wears a flannel shirt to Beso in a later scene, but maybe I'm mistaken. This whole acupuncture scene is sort of a throw away scene...they talk about Paris' dislike of talking about her body functions like her period and pooping, and of course talk about the fact that Paris might be pregnant...I'm sort of glad Paris isn't talking about her period and how often she poops...I don't really want to think about her pinching a loaf.

So Paris and Jenn meet Mrs. Charlie Sheen and Paris' cousin at Beso for dinner. Paris looks amazing, she thinks the paparazzi are taking photos of her stomach...maybe they're just hoping for a crotch shot. Paris has stated that she doesn't want to talk about the potential baby...which leaves the topics of conversation a little slim at this point. Somehow they get on the subject of Paris being hurt by her ex boyfriend Rick Solomon...at which point Mrs. Sheen pipes up, "I'm friends with him should I not be?" It seems that Brooke thinks that Paris and Rick were in on the sex tape together and that they split the money from it. The camera doesn't pan down to the table so we can't really see if Brooke is drinking again, but I'm thinking that she's going to be on that ooh-wee in a minute. Paris disabuses Brooke of the idea that she split the money for the sex tape with Solomon. It seems to bother Brooke more that Paris didn't get any money from the tape than it does that she was used by her ex. All through this little interaction, Paris' cousin continues to eat...I'm guessing she was invited so there would be a fourth at the table and she's not going to let the opportunity for a free meal to pass her by. Which leads me to wonder, why don't they show who pays the tabs for these dinners and breakfasts? That would be a show I would watch..."Who Picks up the Tab"

After the dinner, Paris and Jenn, resplendent in her flannel shirt, are driving home. Paris says, "Brooke was acting weird tonight at dinner." Note to Mrs. Sheen, this is how it starts. This is how, when a celebrity begins to tire of you, they begin to ease you out of the picture. In nature it's how a predator separates the weak from the herd before the kill. In celebrity world it's how someone who is no longer of any use to the celebrity, or who has become boring or difficult in some way, is cast aside. Brooke, your time has come.

So the next morning, as we are listening to a very sweet song with lyrics like, "You're not alone, I'm always on your side" we see Paris in her pink bedroom in her pink covered bed. I'm sort of disappointed in Paris' house, I totally would have thought she would have had a more balling crib. It seems like she lives right on the street with a teen-tiny driveway that is barely big enough for Cy's leased Bentley. So Cy comes in she pees on the stick. No one can ever tell me Paris is not a pro at this though, not only has she dragged this out into a whole show, she has made a 3 minute pregnancy test last for 9 minutes of TV time...

Big surprise, she's not pregnant. Cy looks disappointed. He was already spending that Federline money he thought he would get for siring that baby. Of course he tells her he would like to have a baby with her some day...he's not quite ready to give up the idea of being Paris Hilton baby daddy. The episode ends with Paris saying she needs to lose weight and they start running...this is where we see that Cy has a nice booty. Note to Cy, if you ever want to take a walk on the wild side, you could totally be a big ol' power bottom with that booty!

Next week, Brooke thinks Paris is tired of her...what gave you that idea?

Thought

"We worry that both marriage and the family will be undermined by this tragic presumption of government in passing this legislation that attempts to redefine these cornerstones of civilization," the state's Catholic bishops said in a joint statement released late Friday. It was signed by Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan and seven other bishops.

Maybe they should worry more about their child fucking priests than consenting adults who want to marry

The World According to that Formerly Popular Reality Star

I normally wouldn't watch something with Paris Hilton. It's not that I dislike Paris Hilton, I don't know her, but I dislike the IDEA of Paris Hilton. I don't like the idea that someone with no discernible talent (auto-tuned song notwithstanding) can make millions of dollars just by being "famous." It's the same reason I dislike the Kardashians. Before they started all this "Keeping Up" business their only claim to fame was that their father was friends with OJ and allegedly carried the suitcase with his bloody clothes and knife away from his house the morning after the murders. Yet they make millions just by being famous.

But back to Paris. I wouldn't have watched this show except it was on Bravo and my remote was on the dresser, so instead of getting up I started watching it. The segments where Paris and her club promoter boyfriend Cy are together are pretty awful (Paris can't even act when she's not supposed to be acting) the segments with Brooke Mueller aka Mrs. Charlie Sheen, are worth the price of admission!

In the episode yesterday Brooke has just gotten out of Rehab...in fact Paris picks her up at Rehab in her pink Bentley (note to Paris, if you're saying you have a signature color Sis Carr did it way before you and was much more classy about it). On the way back to Brooke's Paris is saying, "you shouldn't be embarrassed it's a disease." I mean, how pathetic must it be when Paris HIlton is giving you addiction advice? Then Brooke goes to her house and her "mom" is there. Brooke immediately starts in on her Mom for not being around when she was 15 and that is the root of all her current problems with drinking. Her Mom is not much better, saying, "I always left someone in charge of you, plus I was traveling when you were 16 not 15." Brooke's "mom" is probably one of those women who chased after every rich man she could until she got too old to get one, then settled for her current "husband" who looks like he's been to the botox needle one too many times and is way too tanned. Brooke's "mom" has hair the color of bootblack and spouts all this new agey bullshit that people who are trying to be good parents 20 years too late say. I mean, I don't really feel sorry for Brooke except that she had this creature for a mother so what chance did she really have? Charlie Sheen must have looked like a well adjusted individual compared to her family life.

Later we see Brooke hiring one of her friends to be her Sober Companion when they go to Aspen. Now I have been sober for almost 15 years and only heard about Sober Companions when Owen Wilson tried to off himself then hired one to get over his coke habit. From what I understand they earn like $500-750 a day to follow some wealthy addict around and, well I don't really know what they do because watching Brooke and her "sober companion" it seems like it's just a person who is there to take shit from them when they start getting thirsty! Almost immediately Brooke's sober companion questions the wisdom of Brooke going to Aspen over New Years considering the fiasco that was last year. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-6187238-504083.html

So Brooke and her sober companion and her 15 year old sister who looks like she's already been under the plastic surgery knife arrive at Brooke's family's house in Aspen, and her "mom" and step tan are there already. Right away her mom excoriates Brooke for putting her hair in a pony tail because, "There might be paparrazi and you don't want to be on the cover of a magazine without your hair looking good." Um, news flash, the paps aren't interested now that she's the former Mrs. Charlie Sheen. But her mom persists...until you know it's the Mom who really wants to be on the cover of the magazines. I mean how did this girl have a chance with this mother who makes Livia Soprano look like June Cleaver!?! Brooke's "mom" begins to start planning all the clubs and parties they can go to while they're there. Of course Brooke starts getting antsy because, well, she's just out of rehab and her support group consists of Paris Hilton and someone she's paying, so really she's pretty much on her own in this sobriety thing. Rightly so, her sober companion says, "I think it's sort of weird that your Mom wanted to meet you at a club" Brooke, because she grew up in a dysfunctional household right out of Less Than Zero, doesn't really see anything wrong with it, and gets defensive. The sober companion still thinks it's whack!

Somehow Brooke, her "mom" and the sober companion get in a sleigh and go to some lodge where there's a restaurant...guess there are lots of those in Aspen. So Brooke starts reminiscing about how she misses Charlie and her life with him (which part do you miss, the knife at the throat? the porn star strippers in the closet? Oh wait, it's probably the money). The sober companion essentially says, "hey, you're nuts for missing him." The 'mom' says, "Oh honey I understand where is the paparrazi? We're just here to support you" (and to ride your coat tails into any ancillary publicity we can get. Brooke is laying into the sober companion too, saying, "You don't understand you're not an alcoholic/addict" Then why the fuck did you hire her bish? You would have to pay me a hell of a lot more than $750 a day to put up with that shit. Mrs. Charlie Sheen is a typical addict, she bargains, pushes against people, lashes out, and then when she realizes she's gone too far she starts to cry. Sell it to someone who's buying it sister.

Back in Cabo, Paris and Cy are having fun dodging the three fans who are following her around after she's made on the beach. She gets upset that people recognize her, yet she goes to the beach with a two camera crew and walks around...Cabo looks like fun but if people like her are there then no thanks. Plus she seems to be staying at some hotel that is like one notch above a Raddison, albeit she's staying on the top floor. On New Year's Eve, Paris's assistant says, "I've gotten clearance for us to go to four bars tonight" which means she's found four bars who will allow the camera crew to go in. I guess not every bar wants their clientele to be forced to sign confidentiality agreements....(side note, I"ve heard that none of the Caven or hardly any of the Bars on Cedar Springs have given the A List Dallas permission to film in their clubs...hollah!!) Probably two of those bars that would let them film are owned by Cy's friends, which Paris doesn't seem to like too much, "Posers with camera phones" which is probably a really good description of the people she's forced to hang out with now that Nicole Richey is married. When they're driving somewhere in the car, she says, "Leo's having a party" the inference here is that it's Leo DiCaprio. "George Clooney and all those guys will be there" she says. Cy, rightly understanding that he's way out of his league in a group like that, says he doesn't want to go. Paris, of course, does, because she wants to believe that she can run in that group of people. Paris, please see anything by Kathy Griffin in the last 15 years and you will understand the difference between A list and B list. You're on the latter, not the former.

So Paris ditches Doug, goes to the party at "Leo's" In what must be one of the saddest exhibitions ever, she finds four unknown people at the party who will be filmed with her. They are all, shall we say, hangers on...posers...not one famous person would allow themselves to be filmed with her. She essentially is standing by a table by herself (well, with her assistant) looking around for someone to do. Paris does eventually go to the bar and meets with Cy, but only long enough to slap him in the face. They make up the next day and all's well.

Well, as well as it can be for a person who's only talent was highlighted in her film with Rick Solomon, and she didn't even look like she was that good at that!

Happy Thoughts...WOMP WOMP

So I was watching a rerun of the "Golden Girls" last night (I guess they're by definition all reruns since only one of the Golden Girls is still alive, shout out to Betty White). A subplot in the episode was that one of Sophia's friends from her retirement home was being sent to "Sunny Pastures" which was a nursing home, and an awful one to hear Sophia talk about it, with crusty stuff on the floors and smelly. It suddenly hit me that I may be the person one day going to "Sunny Pastures" and that unless I make a boatload of money I will probably have to go to some awful nursing home if it comes to that! I suddenly saw my life 40 years from now and how awful it might be to have to go into the nursing home...Then I thought, "Well, if I just look at it like it's going to college and living in the dorm then it might not be so bad." But only if a nursing home has a guy next door who smokes pot all the time and a guy down the hall who always has beer in his fridge. OF course, I then thought "hey you're way out in front of yourself here, hooker (I call myself hooker sometimes); maybe you can rein it in a little bit and don't go worrying about going to the nursing home right now." But I think I finally realized that, barring some unfortunate accident, I will most likely grow old and will have to deal with going somewhere...Oh this is just too depressing I will think about this another time

womp womp

The Lincoln Lawyer

So I met Mom yesterday in Sulphur Springs and had lunch with her at Chili's (uggh, I hate eating at corporate restaurants but unfortunately that was the best they had to offer) and then we went to see the movie "The Lincoln Lawyer." I didn't really know what to expect other than I knew it starred Matthew Hottie McConaughey and Reese Witherspoons ex husband. I was sort of pleasantly surprised.

I love any movie that has a Lincoln Town Car as a plot line. I love old Lincolns and Cadillacs and watching them drive around LA in a square Lincoln Town Car was awesome. I think they could have actually made it a bit more evident why he drives around in a Lincoln, and why he has a driver.

Resses Witherspoons ex husband is hot, and was sort of good. Well, not really, but he was able to pretty effectively portray the type of guy he was playing, a rich, spoiled white guy who has had everything handed to him on a silver platter and drives around town going to exclusive clubs and banging hotties. There were times, however, that he overacted and wasn't a really effective villan. Thank god for him he never had to share the screen with Marissa Tomei because he would have been chewed up and spit out by her amazing ability. She still looks good after all these years and it's nice to see her on screen.

Matthew was good, but at times his "man of the streets" schiptch was a little over the top. During those scenes (especially with the bikers) he seemed to be trying a bit too hard to be the tough guy and I wasn't buying it. He did do a good job of showing how the character, once he realizes what's really going on and his life sort of falls apart (not to spoil anything), can sort of self-destruct, then pull it all back together again. The final scene is sort of surprising so I won't give it away, but suffice to say although we think we know mid way through how it's going to end, it doesn't end that way.

This film is also interestingly noir and shows a side of Los Angeles that we usually don't see, not Beverly Hills or Brentwood, but the nitty-gritty Los Angeles Basin LA. The prosecutor was actually very good, and sort of cute...I'd like to see him in more things.

Well I"m not a movie critic but if you want to be entertained for a couple of hours go see this movie. It's not a complete waste of money

Characters

I grew up in a small town and in a small town there are always those characters that make life interesting. In Winnsboro we had Jerry Peckham, who used to walk up and down Main street alternately singing and cussing people out who drove by. His only visible means of support were the odd jobs people would give him...If I remember correctly Stan Redding used to let him sweep up in front of Redding's Store for pocket money. Then there were the Fulmer boys who drove bicycles with steering wheel type handle bars. We would most often see them riding their bikes east on Highway 11 going to their sister's house. One time I asked my mother why those Fulmers were the way they were and she said, "It's because they married their cousins back in Arkansas."

So it hasn't been that shocking to find characters in the tiny town I have moved to while I'm working on my PhD. There is the one woman who wears too tight clothes and has a bad red hair dye job who walks down washington street pushing a baby buggy with God knows what in it. But the best place to find true characters in Commerce seems to be the Dollar store across the street from my house. I went there Tuesday to buy coffee (they have the best priced coffee) and as I walked in there was a woman in a big blonde wig with a panama type hat on her head, skinny as a rail and too much eye shadow sitting in a plastic chair with her feet on a plastic ottoman in the checkout line. She was trying out the chairs before she committed to the $5 each charge for them. After having decided that they were in fact worth the price, she then proceeded to talk to the check out lady about a variety of topics. At first she talked about her neighbors dog who "Come up in my yard and now I have to feed the sonofabitch" By this time I had my blackberry out filming her. She then asked the checker, in a conspiratorial tone, "Are the restaurants in Commerce safe to eat in?" The checker said, yes, she thought most of them were...and this is when the checker made her mistake, she asked "Why?"

Wig lady said, in a very loud voice mind you, "Well, last time I ate at that Mescin (mexican) restaurant in Greenville I got the squirts something awful! I had to take my pants off outside my house and walk around my front yard nekkid as a jaybird!" she said. "Why I barely got to the front door of that restaurant before I was a squirting to beat the band."

By this point I couldn't keep from laughing a little bit and was just praying that it all was going to get on video because no one would believe it!

finally the lady loaded her chair, ottoman, dog food and assorted other dollar store finds in her buggy and shuffled out of the store. As I walked up to the checker I said, "Well she is a character." The checker then said, "Yeah and she shoplifts. We have caught her a bunch of times stealing stuff but she still comes back like nothing has happened." I asked, "Where does she put what she steals, under that wig?" The checker, without cracking a smile, said "No, her purse I believe."

So I paid for my coffee and left. And unfortunately, my blackberry didn't record the sound so all i have are grainy images of a woman in a wig talking about her bowels.

Welcome to East Texas

New city...new day...

So this morning I woke up at my moms after having spent the night there...and drove to Commerce to meet the movers and Rob I they could unload my stuff. I am very nervous about the move and I'm not sure I am making the right decision but I can always move back. Laving a city almost 15 years after moving there and returning to the town you left is a scary proposition. So much has changed with me over the last 14 years and I have built a life in Dallaas that I wasn't sure I was ready to leave but I know this is the right decision but it feels like a part of me has been ripped away. I actually cried a little this morning talking to my sponsor. I didn't even cry when I went to college the first time. Maybe I do have emotions